Memories: Переписывать
by The-Icon-Girl
Summary: \Sequel to Memories/ I want to hold your hand. Да, Alfred, I want to hold your hand.
1. Переписывать

**_Alright~! This is the beginning of my rewrite of Memories. I hope you like it. Writing from Ivan's POV was so much easier than Alfred's, but maybe that's because I already knew how it would end. Anyway, enjoii!  
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Alfred,

I write this letter to you, knowing that you will not read it. I wish I could give it to you, but I am too scared to let you see my feelings.

The day we met, Alfred, was a day I will never forget. You shined as brightly as the sun I loved so much.

Your birthday, Alfred, on that day, you looked so happy, so content. It made my heart pound, the way you asked me to hold your hand. I'd never been more happy.

Alfred, I can remember the feeling of nervousness I felt on the day of the engagement party, the way my stomach clenched, and I could only laugh to hide how scared I was. I am happy that I told you something that made you smile, though. And the blush that crept up on your cheeks...it was _cute._

But, I do not understand, Alfred, how you still like me after that day, the day you saw me break. It is a side of me I wished to hide from you. I did not want you to see my weakness. Yet, you seemed to become closer to me after that day. I do not understand, but I will not complain. I am thankful.

I would die if I never got to see your sunshine again. Alfred, you are the reason I bother to wake up every day. Alfred...

I want you to see how happy you have made me. I wish I could hold your hand, for no other reason than to hold it. I want to do so many things with you...to you, Alfred, but I know nothing will ever happen if I don't take a step forward and admit my feelings to you.

If I move aside my doubts, Alfred, I sense that you want the same as me. I see the way you look at me sometimes, when you think I'm not paying attention. I see the way your eyes shine most brightly when they're looking into mine, the slight blush that appears on your cheeks when I brush up against you, and the deep blush that appears when I deliberately touch you. I wonder if you can see the way I feel, Alfred. I think that you would have said something if you could, да?

Alfred, I wish I was younger. I am too old for you, and it's frustrating, because, Alfred, I want...I want to be with you, more than I've wanted anything before.

But if there is one thing I do not want, it is to see you cry again. I could not handle seeing you cry because of me ever again. I still feel pain in my chest, right over my heart, whenever I remember the look in your eyes when you cried. I will do my best to make you happy. Even if it means keeping my feelings inside, I _will_ make you happy. I don't want to risk losing you because of my selfishness.

But, Alfred, there are moments when I feel like I can't hold my feelings for you in any longer. When you laugh at my stupid jokes, when you smile at me for no reason, when we're alone and our eyes meet, when your hand brushes against mine...there are so many things you do that make it so difficult to keep quiet.

As odd as it feels to admit, Alfred, I want you. I cannot explain it, but sometimes, Alfred, you look so beautiful, like when you blush, your lips turn deeper red as well, and they look so...I cannot find the words to describe. I want you so badly, Alfred, sometimes I don't know how to handle it.

But do not misunderstand, Alfred. I truly love you. I've loved you since the day we met. I love you, so much. I want you to love me back. I want to hug you, kiss you, hold your hand, sleep with you; I want to be able to do whatever I want to do to you, without restraint. I don't know how much longer I can hold back the need to be near you.

Alfred, моя любовь, I love you more than the sun. I would live in pure darkness as long as I lived with you. You are my sunshine. If I am with you, I need nothing else.

Я люблю тебя.

– Ivan Braginsky

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Let's get translation out of the way:  
Переписывать - Perepisyvatʹ - Rewrite  
Да - Da - Yes  
Моя любовь - Moya lyubovʹ - My love  
Я люблю тебя - Ya lyublyu tebya - I love you

So that's that! See you next chapter~!


	2. The First Memory Солнечный свет

**_Well, time for Chappie 2. Sorry it took me forever. I am a baddddd author. I HAVE IT ALL WRITTEN ON PAPER BUT I CANNOT SEEM TO TYPE IT. Argh. Anywho, enjoii!_**

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"Ivan, are you sure you want to visit that wanker?" I nodded.

"Да, Arthur. I am wanting to meet this little brother of yours. You talk about him much." I laughed as Arthur's face went slightly pink.

"Only because he's a prat. All right, let's go."

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The trip to your apartment was relatively uneventful. When we arrived, you were outside, sitting on a bench and staring at the sun. You stood up and waved to us, and I felt a jolt somewhere near my bellybutton. You were so happy. So beautiful. I smiled brightly as you approached, unable to hide the smile you brought to my face. "I love the sunlight." I said to you, and you smiled. My heart began to pound slightly, catching me by surprise.

"I love it too," you said, moving close and staring up at me. "You look foreign, where you from?" A chill ran down my spine as thought about the Motherland.

"A cold place, with little sunshine and lots of snow." You looked confused, and I frowned as I told you that I was from Russia. You frowned as well.

"Well, here in America, even if it gets cold, the sun always comes out again." I looked down into your blue eyes and couldn't help but smile. You smiled too, and suddenly I remembered that Arthur existed. I looked behind me to find him sulking, as usual, and laughed, then told you that he brought me here to meet you.

"Not because I wanted to. He wanted to meet you." I smiled at you both, then held out my hand to you. As you shook my hand I told you my name, and you told me yours.

"I'm Alfred, Alfred F. Jones." I repeated your name, and said that I liked it.

"Why?" you asked, and I answered, "It reminds me of sunshine," and before I could help myself, I added, "and your eyes do too. They glow brightly, like the sun above us." You eyes looked into mine, and in that second, the deep blue entranced me. I never wanted to look away.

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"Ivan, let's go. There are less wanker-ish people that I would like to introduce you to. Arthur was standing with his hands on his hips, waiting for me to follow him. I turned and looked down at you. "I do not want to leave." I said, and Arthur frowned.

"We're already late, Ivan. We need to go."

"Hey, don't worry, you can always spend more time with me later." I smiled down at you as you spoke, and you smiled too. I felt a big smile on my face as I turned to leave. I told you that I hoped to see you again soon, your name foreign but no unpleasant in my mouth.

"Goodbye, Ivan," you said, and I felt my heart skip a beat. I tried to ignore it and waved, then left with Arthur. Even though I met lots of new people, your name and face were the only ones that stuck.

Alfred F Jones. I couldn't stop thinking about you all day.

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**_Well, there you have it. Not much else to say, so I'll leave you to your reviewing! Bye-bye now!_**

**_Translation:  
_**Солнечный свет - Solnechnyĭ svet - Sunshine


	3. The Second Memory  Ваш день рождения

**_Chapter 3, here we go. Though I have to complain, I don't like how broken up this one seems. Well...anyway, Enjoii!_**  


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My hands shook and my stomach tumbled as I drove to your apartment on July 4th. It was your birthday, and I'd been saving money for weeks just to take you out. It took me only ten minutes to drive there, and once again, you were already outside when I arrived. You must have recognized my car, because as soon as I pulled up, you ran to me and waved.

"Hey!"

I smiled and got out of the car. I wished you a happy birthday, and your enormous grin pushed the next words out of my mouth.

"A-alfred, I am wondering, do you have any plans for today?"

"Nah, I was just gonna hang around here, why?"

"There is an amusement park, behind the place where I am staying. I would like to take you there. I know how much you love them." I smiled and relaxed when your mouth fell open and a light began to shine in your eyes.

"Whoa, really? I'd love to go! I'll just go grab my wallet and-" you cut yourself off and ran towards the apartment building you lived in. I reached towards you instinctively, but let my hand fall because you were already too far away for me to stop you.

By the time we got to the place, you were already so excited that you couldn't stay still. I felt a small ball of excitement beginning to grow, but not because of the amusement park, but because I kept thinking...is this what Americans call a 'date'?

When we got to the building where we were supposed to pay, as the woman asked for money, you began to pull out your wallet. Without thinking, I shoved your arm gently away and paid, telling you that I would pay for everything, since it was your birthday. The woman at the counter grinned at you, and nearly yelled, "Oh, it's your birthday? Lucky! A 4th of July birthday is so cool!" You didn't even glance at her, you just stared up at me and nodded. When we got inside, I couldn't help but begin to feel excitement. There were so many things that I had never seen before. A child-like joy bubbled in my chest as I happily told you that I had never been to a place like this before, and you laughed.

"Never, ever?" you said, and a glint of evil appeared in your eyes. "Let's do the roller coasters first, then."

By the time I decided to take you home, I couldn't keep myself from grinning. A deep sense of accomplishment and happiness was making it too easy to smile and laugh with you.

"Why do you look so happy?" you asked, as we walked. I told you that this was the first time I had ever done something like this. You laughed and smiled up at me. I smiled too and patted your head.

"It is a nice feeling, knowing that I am making you smile like that."

"Hey! I'm not a kid!" you yelled, brushing my hand away and blushing. I laughed and began leading you towards a large, circle shaped, slow-moving ride. I wanted to do this one last. You frowned up at the thing and then looked at me.

"I'm terrified of heights." I smiled and told you that you could hold my hand if you needed, only half-jokingly.

Once we were at the top of the ride, not moving, waiting for others to get on, you began tugging on my sleeve, and staring wide-eyed up at me. Your skin had gone pale and your hands were shaking. I raised a questioning eyebrow at you and you nodded. I grabbed your hand and turned away, looking at the sunset, trying to hide the feeling of nervousness I was sure had appeared on my face. You hand squeezed mine and I instantly relaxed, and started watching you out of the corner of my eye. You were looking down at our hands, in a slightly confused way, but you were smiling. It took all of my self-restraint to not lean over and kiss you then.

"What is wrong, Alfred?" I asked you as we left the park, moving slowly towards my car. You had a blank look on your face.

"I...I'm just wondering..."

"Да?"

"Isn't it weird that we were holding hands?" I smiled and stopped walking, and stared straight down into your bright blue eyes.

"It is okay, we all get scared sometimes and need a hand to hold. I am glad I got to be yours this time." Your eyes widened and you looked away. I grabbed your jacket's sleeve and tugged on it.

"C'mon, Alfred. I'll take you home."

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**Well, first things first:**  
**Ваш день рождения - Vash denʹ rozhdeniya - Your Brithday**

**And now, becaue I feel like talking, my birthday was a few days ago! x3 and I got this AWESOME cake, it was hamburger shaped! It was the coolest shit ever. It even had french fries on the side. Fuck yeah, I loved it. I only wish I had been cosplaying Alfred at the time...XD would have been the shit, da?**

**Review, lovelies~!**


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